If it interests you...here you can observe the compass by which I navigate my life -- my philosophies and belief systems upon which I mostly live. I've traveled a great deal and met a vast array of people and changed my ideas very radically many times about many things, so my brain is not hardwired to one strict concept of anything. I've been turned 180 degrees more than once on serious matters; and I hope that, as I age, I continue to embrace wisdom and anything that might change my mind on any particular matter, rather than simply fossilize myself merely because it was my earliest exposure to something.
It's not meant to be a narcissistic diatribe, just a simple means for those who may want to know me a bit more intimately to do so.
MARRIAGE & MONOGAMY
Monogamy is simply the worst idea any human being ever had.
Did I say "EVER"
The atomic bomb was a better idea.
If there has been a single invention of society that is responsible for
the ongoing, slow, agonizing torment and torture of the
human race and the systematic destruction of everything good
and sweet in the human soul it is MONOGAMY.
Never, in the history of all things, could anyone have concocted
something so adverse to human evolution than a premise
that included being enslaved to another human being in a way
that they not only exclusively possessed and owned you, but
the prison-cell in which you are then so lonesome and alienated
from everything outside your marriage,
would be for the rest of your life!
Critics complain that anti-monogamous ideologies indicate
an uncivilized character.
This is the quick-draw reflex and haven for everyone who ever
wanted to vilify anything or anyone.
If you aren't monogamous, you're an animal.
What a childish and ridiculous stance to take just
to denigrate the enlightened.
Monogamy is a new idea. It is insanely new and young.
Until the Catholic church solidified the notion 1400-1600 years
ago in order to control the monies coming into the church
and galvanize its political hold, monogamy was nonexistent.
If, for no other reason than to ensure population and the
care of widows, men frequently 'married' and became
responsible for several women and their children.
From a religious standpoint even the apostles themselves
and every major biblical hero considered now to be
legendary had multiple wives.
"God" himself literally ORDERED impregnation out of
wedlock and also adultery. Even more disturbing, when the 'wife'
was jealous and angry, she was considered by "god" evil for doing so.
Monogamy is not a moral or religious invention.
It is a new invention and an invention of twisted minds
rooted in control, sadism, cruelty, selfishness and
jealousy. But the birth of monogamy is not rooted in
the singular notion of "one lover/relationship for life";
rather it is in the notion of marriage which also did not
exist even in the religious texts
that we all know we base such ideas and morality on.
The 'marriage' and the 'marriage ceremony' is also a VERY new
and young idea which did not exist for millennia.
Again, it is a Catholic church invention.
Adam and Eve were no more married than the streetlight at your
nearest crosswalk is to your bathtub.
There wasn't even another human being alive to perform the ceremony,
let alone the faculties to conceive of such a thing.
Previous to the post-modern concept of 'marriage' and the
'marriage ceremony', if you "went into" the tent or bedroom
of a woman (had sex with her) BANG! You were married!
That's it! No license, no ceremony, no nonsense. Not to be crude
but it was a 'you break you bought it' reality. Instead of "you
slept with her now you have to marry her" it was "you slept
with her so you're already married to her."
Boom! Done and done!
As a woman, I'm more disturbed, because I feel like women are
more responsible for this problem than men.
Girls now grow up with this mythological idea brewing in the background;
and by the time we're 15
we have these preposterous daydreams about 'the perfect husband'
and 'the perfect wedding'.
It's all completely childish and insane. It's no wonder more
than half of all marriages end in divorce and you and I both
know the ones that don't -- they're not happy.
They might not ever get divorced but let's be realistic...
they are probably unhappy...the honeymoon's been over for a long time.
Just because they remain together for numerous (pathetic)
reasons doesn't mean they aren't 'divorced' in all the ways it most matters.
To be realistic, likely less than 10% of people remain married for 50 years
and consider themselves as happy as they could be.
It's likely even the happiest and strongest marriages
still involve a great deal of resentment, deceit, a sense of being trapped,
and certainly the desire to 'cheat' and probably actual infidelity itself.
The notion of fidelity is -- if we are bravely earnest --
born of all the worst-possible human frailties and ugliness:
jealousy, envy, greed, selfishness, impudence,
sadism, cruelty, immaturity.
It is impossible to not liken fidelity to an 8-year-old who insists
this is 'HIS bat-and-ball'
and 'no one else can touch it or play with it' and
'he is going to take his bat-and-ball and go home'.
Fidelity/Monogamy is a toddler saying, "No!.......... Mine!"
The frightening thing is we would never accept (let alone champion)
this behavior in ANYTHING ELSE!
Consider if you saw your child or sibling at the age of 30 saying this
about a friend or a parent.
"No! she's my mom! No one else can have her as their mom!" or
"NO! she's my friend! She can't have any other friends!"
It's ludicrous! That we encourage and even consider fidelity
to be something beautiful rather than repugnant
is absolutely fucking moronic!
Whether you are male or female, it is a natural human want
and need to have intimacy with others. It needn't mean romantic
'love' or even commitment though, ideally, it should connect
us to one another more
deeply than people who are not intimate with one another.
It need only be a moment of need to connect with another human
when we feel sad or distant or isolated,
maybe even just biologically in need of a chemical dose of oxytocin.
As humans we feel a natural connection with every human
on the planet and, ideally,
we want to connect on the most profound of levels.
We don't always pursue that with every other human but, when we do,
however deeply we are willing to connect,
to be told we cannot by a preposterous, peurile idea that is not only
new and clearly failing in every conceivable way,
is stupid beyond measure! I do believe in commitment. Absolutely I do!
I believe in living with someone, sleeping in the same bed,
buying groceries, going to the movies, holding hands
and doing this for YEARS! I do! Of course I do!
I have been committed to one particular person for many years.
But to say that I cannot be committed to
a second or third person (and even in a similar way) is to say a
mother cannot be committed to more than one child and a
friend cannot be committed to more than one friend.
It is to say family in the same house betray one another
when they live these lives with one another.
A brother does not betray his sister by spending time with another sibling.
Monogamy says it is, in fact, exactly that -- a betrayal. It is to say
a pastor cannot be committed to an entire church of people!
It is to say that a citizen cannot be committed to an entire
nation of fellow patriots!
To say that the only thing that separates all these other hundreds
of relationships which would be considered insane
if they said the same thing of themselves is that SEX should be
uniquely exclusive is archaic and, quite frankly, idiotic in the extreme.
If there is one thing we should all share even beyond every
other association -- it is SEX.
Hell it doesn't even have to be sex!
Two people should be able to reach out and take another
into their arms and just hold them without fear
of shame or embarassment or condemnation simply
because some "significant other" will see it or hear of it and blow a gasket!
Monogamy insists this is a betrayal. Monogamy insists this
basic human need and contact is...a betrayal! WOW!
Jealousy, envy, possessiveness, selfishness --
it's all so grotesquely ugly and disgusting;
and we should be ridding ourselves of these things, not
touting them as beautiful and grand and any sort of paragon!
People should be allowed to kiss another human being.
The damning facet is that people who believe in 'fidelity'/monogamy
do not draw these lines.
Someone who believes and supports this notion no more accepts
their 'significant other' holding another person in a
meaningful way than fucking them!
At least if monogamists had zero issue with human contact outside of
penetration it would begin to make sense even if it were still wrong.
But when you consider how extreme the idea is and how
insane monogamists are about even "looking" at others
it demonstrates there is something genuinely and inherently
sick and twisted about it.
Monogamy is the incarnation of all the worst human qualities and traits.
'Marriage' has its pleasant facets but do keep in mind that the
average life-span of humans when it was invented meant most
marriages didn't need to endure any longer than 2 decades...maximum!
But, even originally, when men and women were in what
we now consider a 'marriage', even though marriage and the
ceremonies themselves didn't exist, they were not monogamous marriages.
The men typically had a few/several wives.
If there is a new sickness that's complicated this the past
20 years that I've witnessed it is the sense of most girls that
they want a PRINCE CHARMING. First of all -- what madness
makes people think they DESERVE such perfection to begin with?
How do you know you're a prize to begin with?
Maybe you should consider
yourself lucky for even ONE man to be interested in you,
let alone think you have the right to be selective
and wait for some nonexistent '10'.
Even if he exists (which he doesn't)...how vain do you have to be to
believe that you deserve him,
and to possess him exclusively?
More and more people are going years without being and
staying in committed relationships because their expectations
on others are beyond belief and certainly beyond anyone living up to!
Marriages end because the two people in the relationship have
expectations of human behavior
that are simply too impossible for people to live up to.
Eliminate marriage, eliminate monogamy and those expectations vanish!
People's expectations of people outside a long, intense
committed relationship never develop like that. It's only
as time passes that people in a monogamous relationship realize --
THIS PERSON HAS TO EMBODY AND INCARNATE
ALL OF MY EXPECTATIONS ALL BY THEMSELVES.
They have to be everything to me.
When you create that sort of recipe it is only a recipe for disaster.
Of course they will never, ever, ever live up to that.
And you are a cruel, sadistic idiot for expecting them to!
And you are the only one to blame when
they fail you and you leave them.
Polygamy is not the answer.
It is simply marriage and monogamy multiplied.
It creates all the same complications only multi-fold.
The solution is simple. Be fortunate enough to find people
you connect with deeply and wonderfully-enough
to be in a committed relationship where you are
numerous, meaningful things for them and they, in turn,
do the same for you.
And, if you are fortunate enough to find a second or third of these,
do the same.
Commit to each of them as you can simultaneously.
Be to one another what you can be.
If you're lucky like I am, these people will eventually know one
another and find in one another the connection you already have,
and become increasingly connected to them as well.
Polygamy might work better if the wives were also in love
with one another and having sex with each other, and probably together
with the husband. But even then there are still complications and isolation.
And, for the record, I also see nothing wrong with several
men being committed to one woman.
The isolation issue is the key. Once you have what I've described above...
you cannot allow it to isolate you from the rest of the world.
Everyone needs to feel that they are still permitted
to connect as deeply as they wish to
as many other people cross their path as happens.
Perhaps it is 5 minutes, perhaps it is a day,
perhaps it is week or month or year.
However long it is, everyone is bound to cross paths with others
they are going to have and want and feel a
connection with. Connect! Connect as much as you can! If a
moment later or a day or month later the connection
has run its course then move on with priceless memories of
whatever that connection was.
Be grateful for it.
The idiotic notion that any meaningful connection
MUST be forever is something invented by immature and simple minds.
The notion that, as humans, we cannot forge a meaningful
connection with a stranger who,
afterwards, is no longer a stranger but now deeply connected
to us is beyond stupidity.
The notion that we cannot forge a meaningful connection with someone
and the connection lasts only a brief time is equally-stupid.
Sex is a mystical gift that we all know
(and if you don't then I feel badly for you) is amazing,
and should be shared by all.
Marriage and monogamy both ensure that those who
follow their ideas will destroy everything amazing
and mystical about sex...and do so quickly.
It is meant to be a connection between us.
To create anything that would dictate you may only connect
that deeply with one other human on a planet with
7 billion is cruel and conceptually ridiculous. There is a love that
passes between even strangers.
I've had many men say "I love you" at awesome moments we share.
To disrespect them by saying "They
didn't mean it" is almost unspeakably stupid.
Of course they meant it!
Maybe even for 1 minute they loved me more than they've
ever loved any other human
on the planet. Just because 10 minutes later they still cared
about me and liked me but didn't 'love' me any more doesn't
mean that they didnt love me 10 minutes ago for a minute.
Believe me -- anyone you're living with and married to
-- 95% of the time you don't feel love for them.
Only 5% or less do you feel that powerful chemical wave of 'love'.
The rest of the time you're not feeling it.
When you say "I love you" the rest of the time what you mean is
"You're important to me and I am committed to you."
But the intense emotional feeling of love isn't there at that moment
-- not 95% of the time.
That 'love' is seven chemicals flooding your brain.
The human body is not designed to process 'love' for any more than
several minutes at a time.
The rest of the time, we remain in the relationships we are in
because of a choice we make.
But when you connect with someone -- even those you are not
in a committed relationship with --
you should feel love for them at some point during the time
you share. At some point there should ideally be...'love'.
When it passes it does not mean it was not 'love' or
that you should feel shame because you're not marrying them!
That thinking requires as little reasoning
and common sense as can be minimized.
We've created a silly creature called LOVE that it
cannot possibly ever be or become.
If you need LOVE to commit to someone, to care for them,
to console, encourage and give them part of yourself then that is tragic!
Doing LOVE shouldn't need the emotion to fuel it.
Going out and performing acts of tenderness, kindness,
selflessness and care should not need the emotion of 'love'.
It is because most people believe and live this way that there are so
many starving, suffering, dying people.
They don't FEEL the emotion of love so
they have nothing to motivate and drive them on to go help them.
They are waiting for the emotion of love which is fleeting.
So, then, are the acts of love, fleeting.
When I am with people -- especially you --
I don't wait for 'love' to make it possible for me to 'love' you.
I reach out and connect! And the reward -- if we are fortunate --
is a moment of the emotion of 'love'.
'Love' is the prize at the bottom of the box.
But you gotta get to the bottom of the box first.
If you need 'love' first to get to the bottom of the box,
I guarantee you will never get the prize.
You'll have nothing motivating you because the thing you need to
motivate you is the thing you're trying to get to.
The emotion of 'LOVE' is fantastic! No one would argue that! Ideally,
finding one or two people
with whom you habitually experience it is the goal!
I feel fortunate to have that.
But there's so much more to human connection and sharing
than the emotion of 'LOVE'.
So much more we share and need and can give one another.
I urge you to connect with others. It needn't be the emotion of 'love',
or commitment or forever.
And why can sex not simply be FUN for fun's sake?!
Whatever happened to just having fun?
I guarantee you few people in marriages
(and maybe even in committed relationships)
have any real FUN having sex anymore!
But yes...clearly we should want to connect if we can!
If not forever, then for whatever moment you can.
Life is short. The world is big. Time is brief and the human race is
enormous by comparison.
Everyone around you is -- for the most part -- beautiful and amazing!
Discover each other!
And anyone who even suggests that they (and they alone)
should discover you and be discovered by you...
flee from them!
They are, quite simply, evil little bastards.