If it interests you...here you can observe the compass by which I navigate my life -- my philosophies and belief systems upon which I mostly live. I've traveled a great deal and met a vast array of people and changed my ideas very radically many times about many things, so my brain is not hardwired to one strict concept of anything. I've been turned 180 degrees more than once on serious matters; and I hope that, as I age, I continue to embrace wisdom and anything that might change my mind on any particular matter, rather than simply fossilize myself merely because it was my earliest exposure to something.
It's not meant to be a narcissistic diatribe, just a simple means for those who may want to know me a bit more intimately to do so.
KNOWLEDGE & WISDOM
I know what boys like.
I know what boys want.
It's not an enigmatic secret buried in the Mesopotamian sands,
Men are actually awesome that way! They know what they want.
Give a man a well-cooked steak and a cold beer.
Put them in front of a good game and give 'em a great blowjob
and they can't get much happier.
This is why I get along great with men
and not so great with other women.
I find other women almost infuriating.
Most don't know what they want and, truth be known,
most girls I've known admit
that most of the time they confuse themselves.
As time has passed I've increasingly simplified myself and,
being so close to an autistic, realized
how much better life becomes when you're focused and streamlined.
Fare-thee-well to my teenage mind of chaos and clamor.
I reflect on some of the shit that used to go through my head,
words that passed through my lips,
things I did and I'm baffled I managed to survive long
enough to get my head on straight.
These days, knowledge is still important to me
but wisdom so much more so.
I watch and listen to other women now and I am stunned
someone hasn't killed them.
As most of you know, I was a brilliant student academically,
which is par for the course for people of my ethnic background
-- we study hard, propelled on by family-pride
and parental expectations and bribes.
I was studying to be a scientist and was comfortably
seated at the top of my class.
I was knowledgeable for my age.
But I didn't know how to summon a taxi
or how to ride a bike or even swim.
My parents worked hard to disable me from anything that might make
me feel empowered and therefore
able to leave the safety of their financial nest.
Meeting a genius changed all that.
I realized there was a vast world out there; and he knew what a
grizzly bear smelled like at 5 paces
and what sort of hallucinations you'll have if you take a bottle of
sleeping pills and don't die.
Somewhere in the northern skies were these amazing colors
dancing across the stars I'd never seen.
I knew nothing.
What's more, he knew people.
He could predict what case the next contestant would choose on
DEAL OR NO DEAL
and where the case was that had the money.
Celebrities were coming to him not only for sex they could not get
elsewhere but also for emotional
and soulful insight into themselves and the world around them.
There was not just delicious knowledge
but even more delicious wisdom to be had.
But it wasn't in a beaker.
Perhaps, in time, someone will strip down the genome and find god.
Perhaps somewhere beyond the quarks and prions there's a particle
that is not only sentient but
contains all the facts of the universe like a USB stick of absolute knowledge.
I sincerely don't care; and spending my life searching won't be any fun at all.
I had no idea what it was like to climb a rock wall, sweaty, terrified, exhilarated.
I had no idea how hard I could howl and laugh banging around in bumper cars.
AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!
I can stay on the bumper cars and go-karts all day.
Why get out?
This is fucking awesome!
I've now been on the big blue hoisting a sail, sprayed by salt-water
and an arms-reach from
dolphins matching our knots.
That's a knowledge you can take to bed and to your deathbed.
Wisdom, on the other hand, is worth having but comes at the cost
of much pain and misery.
I don't discuss the agony of my life experiences because
no one wants to hear that; and it does me no
good (even for myself) to retell it; but, while I might seem chipper
and intent on a life of glee, do not
mistake my mirth for ignorance and self-delusion.
I am not suffering-free.
I have known extreme and intense agony and betrayal.
It is that I have that makes me so intent on valuing time
and opportunity and why I avoid people who exact such misery
on the people whose paths they cross.
I am wise beyond my years because I've placed myself in the path of so
many and so many have educated me on just
how versatile human treachery can be.
I am wise enough to cling to my sweetness and childlike character
for all its worth.
I have seen much of the world and what it is capable of being and doing.
The first critical wisdom I acquired was...
The universe is hostile -- seek joy...it will not find you accidentally.
Cling to your wonder and innocence as though they were oxygen.
Everything else is working against you, including most people.
There's a negativity at play -- an entropy, not just to the cosmos,
but to everything and everyone in it.
If you want to be happy, you'll be salmon struggling upstream
and the grizzlies will be swiping at you the entire time.
Dodging misery takes skill and effort.
Libraries are full of wisdom.
But wisdom is not something you will learn from reading it, even if it's true.
You'll need to experience the sharp talons under your skin
before you actually acquire the wisdom itself.
Human nature demands we bleed before we understand.
There's little I know.
But I do know my time and life is priceless and I have not yet found
anything more intense than what two
or more people can create during sex.
AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!